A Random Mary Sue fic
by Tartan
Summary: What happens when Tartan gets bored.....A one-shot parody of a typical angsty Mary Sue fic...... Please R


Author's note: This is a by product boredom and obviously a parody ...and eh, I'm trying to have some fun as well.;)  
  
^=^ A random Mary Sue fic^=^  
  
"My name is (Tartan thinks for an hour about her OC's name like all _good_ Mary Sue authors do.) Stellar Luna Stormbird (Ooooooo mystical and all Native American sounding even though she's a 100% white!).  
  
"You're probably thinking "so"? (Tartan blinks.. and thinks 'No, that'd be _too_ close to what the reader is thinking.' And then erases her last sentence and begins over.)  
  
"It is because (gasp!) I'm, a mutant that I believe my story must be told. Not because I'm a wanton desire by some author to include themselves into the x-man universe even though the entire story revolves around me with only a half assed attempt at a plot! (Tartan shifts eyes at admission.)  
  
"It was only after I joined the x-men that I truly found a place to belong. For you see it seems people just have a natural tendency to hate such a beauty as I....('Shit! Forgot the all-important description!" Tartan curses to herself before making another paragraph.)  
  
"What to I look like? =giggles modestly Tartan rolls eyes=Well, I have dyed pink hair that reaches down to my waist like a waterfall of strawberry Kool- aid. ("Wonder if that's the type those kids slipped into Wolverine's beer." Tartan snickers to herself. *) Every single strand is brushed ever so delicately every morning so that every piece is given the loving attention it deserves. My face is akin to that of Halle Barry, except I'm prettier because I don't have a dyke cut.*Stellar Luna blows a raspberry at a Halle Barry poster.** My skin is a perfect bronze even though I've been locked up in a basement all my life and did I mention it really pisses me off? I mean like I act all tough of course and I've got all these piercings and even a tattoo on my arm that reads "love sucks" but when just the right guy comes along I spread my legs. No not because he's cute but because I'm in _love_ duh! What was I talking about? Oh yeah, my stunning body.  
  
"I have this voluptuous figure even though I've been on the streets for months with large full breasts that my love interest will happen to ever just get a glimpse of when I bend over. =Giggles again= My waist is tiny, even smaller than Jean Grey's who will act totally OOC (Meaning like a stuck up bitch) in this story because the author doesn't like....because she is one! So there!  
  
"My legs are long and shaped like a runner's prefect for the fact that I like to wear all this sexy stuff and am totally confident in my looks even though I was belittled everyday in my standard tragic childhood. Is there anything else I missed? Oh yeah my eyes change with my mood isn't that totally convenient? I can express my moods in such a totally cool, hypnotic way! (Not because the author wants her to have couldn't choose one inhuman shade so instead gave her all of them, okay people!)  
  
"So now you're probably thinking 'wow you must be perfect in everyway!' (Tartan: "actually I was thinking more along the line of a narcissist who if they were ever to look into a lake would surely drown because they would keep on attempting to kiss and embrace the water....but whatever.) However this is simply not the case! (Tartan: Oh boy here it comes...)  
  
"When I was just eight years old my father left me and my mother to eek out a living on our dusty Kentucky farm. Why don't I have a country accent? =Pauses to think= I really don't know....but anyway, he just took off one day and my mother blamed little ol' me. She told me it was _my_ fault he had left and that she didn't love me anymore! Then she married some jerk who hated me as well with his two fat ugly daughters as well and they locked me in the basement because they were all jealous of my beauty, =yes she even had huge breasts at age eight, what can I say the girl was a freak even then.= not because of my incessant talking! And when they did talk to me it was only to tease me and tell me how ugly I was and they only fed me hard tack and gruel. That is how I became so bitter, but really inside I'm just loved starved and not a bad person....I'm an ice princess waiting for someone to free my heart of it's ice. =Run all male x-men, run!=  
  
"I then decided after seven years or so after that it was time to escape. (Tartan: Girl must be really thick if it took her _that_ long to come up with an escape plan....) I merely slid out the window and I was free! =Tartan smacks her head in disbelief.= Then I fell into a gang that's when I turned totally punk and got my tattoos and everything and of course my totally flat badass attitude. Oh yeah my gang was great and all but I still felt something was missing...  
  
"Then one day when I was randomly breaking into let's say a bank I found out that I had powers! =Tartan spends another hour trying to think of a both potent power but still not _too_ original, like Stellar Luna herself.= I could control fire with my mind! Like Pyro except I can make the fire and it doesn't go out when it rains! (Tartan: Thus taking an existing power and removing it of all weaknesses, perfect.) Oh yeah and did I mention it's pink like my hair? =Tartan smacks head in disbelief again= .  
  
"Anyway then this blue woman came out of no where and told me to join her team and I was like 'No way lady, despite what I think I'm inherently perfect and thus would never join the bad guys side!' I then barbecued her with my pretty pink flame and she made no attempt what so ever to defend herself! Then a few days later these people showed up in blue and yellow uniforms and told me about how I was like a super powerful mutant and that they wanted me on their team. And since they had uniforms unlike the blue lady who was just wearing this black two piece outfit that was a total rip off of _my_ outfit I decided to join them. They also had this totally cool jet.  
  
"Yet, I just couldn't forget my terrible past and I like pushed them all away even though every night I cried myself to sleep and wrote some really dark poetry too! Not that it was Poe or anything and most consisted of the three words Pain, death, red over and over again....  
  
"But then Kurt, (Tartan=shakes head= sorry blue boy but you didn't run fast enough...) like found my book of poetry. I was so embarrassed that I just broke down and started crying even though I was suppose to be a tough ass bad girl so Kurt could ever so conveniently see my softer side....we then both admitted that we both hurt so much inside and even though I severely burned his mother we like fell deeply in love.  
  
"I then went on to wow everyone with my flawless danger room exercise that they banished Scott and made me the leader! Not that anyone missed Mr. 'Stick up his Ass' except for Jean Grey, but everyone hated her anyway so they were glad to see her crying in her room once again because the author doesn't like....because she's a stuck-up bitch really!"  
  
=However Stellar Luna's reign was cut short, when Chamber, sick and tired of seeing any type of x-men fan fiction abused in such away surprised Stellar Luna (whose codename was "Pretty Flame") by popping out behind a bush and using his own energy to form a bio-blast to cinder her to crisp!=  
  
*Sorry luv, but that Gel was _really_ getting' on me nerves.*Jono explained with a shrug, certain no jury in the world would convict him, and he was right.  
  
"Don't worry; I don't think she's going to be missed. Except by maybe some thirteen year old who actually thought she was cool." Tartan assured him with a shrug. They then linked hands and skipped merrily off into the sunset. Not that Jono ever do that, but hey it's fan fiction right?  
  
^=^=^=^=^=^=^=^=^=^=^=^  
  
*Check out my fic "Of the Chamber and The Kidnapping" for explanation along with just who Jono is if you're unfamiliar with him.(No, he's not an OC)  
  
**Stellar Luna's opinion in no way reflects my own, in fact I like Halle and her haircut..  
  
****I also have nothing against OCs and have even written my own before but not in this genre, it's only the brainless Mary Sue I hate.  
  
*****Please Review, this is my first attempt at humor, so please tell me what you think! 


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